Let's Objectify Men!

It is a warm and hazy night. I am tired of the screen and want to lie down. The cool of the sheets is pleasurable to my skin. The softness of the bed feels accommodating of my body. It feels like I have suddenly come into contact with a lover of mine. I am tempted to go further. I roll over and slip my hands inside my underwear. It feels hot under my cool hands. The contrast feels like a nice surprise. It wakes up my skin.

 For a long time in my life I often latched on to images of voluptuous bodies and memories of personal interactions to arouse myself and to reach orgasm. Over time I pared down my mental library of these scenes to the few that were most efficient in bringing me to climax in record time. When I needed to go I didn’t want to waste any time looking for the way to get there.

In the lazy moments of the night, I touch the underside of my glans, aka the frenulum, and I feel a rush of good feeling gushing all the way to my mouth. I am now thinking of a lover whose kisses were at times accompanied with her hands firmly touching my wet cock in that exact spot. I now feel the slippery beginnings of my arousal. I stretch and arch my back. The pleasure is spreading now, beyond my cock. It is now in the skin of my hand, my left cheek, my chest, and at the base of my spine. I breathe hard and grunt softly.

From early on in my adolescence I learned that as a boy I had a privilege and a right to have hard erections. Also that it was a natural responsibility of a normal man to notice his hardness and to look after it. The hard cock was like a weapon that one had the right to use if one so desired. Erection equaled manhood equaled sex.

Everything has changed now. For me. I still get hard, more often than not when I want to. But added to the menu is this new item called “sensual pleasure”. Playing with my arousal, stimulating my body in different ways, by myself or with my lover, has diversified my paths to satisfaction. It is all in the give and take. It is in the often nonverbal back and forth between my lover and I when we swap attention to this or the other body. Or in the mindful shift between what my skin feels when receiving touch from my hand and what my hand feels when touching my own skin.

These days I believe connection equals pleasure equals sex. My preferred kind of connection is sensual, emotional, intimate, open, and vulnerable. To quote John Ballew (a psychotherapist from State of Georgia), intimacy is “an unarmed encounter between two vulnerable individuals”. Looking at my manhood in light of this new definition changes everything. I don’t always need my ‘hard’ weapon to get what I want. There is much more pleasure to be discovered in the soft invasion of a body, be it mine or my lover’s.